1.10.2009

A (Not So) Complete History of Topless ‘American Idol’ Contestants

Here’s today’s lesson: When the fleeting fame from your appearance on a nationally-televised karaoke competition has finally dwindled out, do the only reasonable thing: get (half) naked. Seriously. It’s the American thing to do. But don’t take our word for it — take the photos of these sixteen ex-”American Idol” contestants (and one current judge) in various states of undress as proof, because after all, the only thing more American than baseball, Twinkies or Ryan Seacrest is getting nekkid.

Ace Young isn’t just looking into the camera, he’s looking into a mirror, thus the positioning of his hands to conceal his boner.

No, Constantine Maroulis, that’s not the acrid odor of your armpit you’re smelling, it’s the stale odor of your 15 minutes as it ticks away.

Alaina Alexander misheard the photographer’s request to see her tits as “Show me your tats.”

Ironically, Bucky Covington exposes his doughy chest and covers up his beautiful hair.

Technically this doesn’t count as a topless photo of Antonella Barba, but since you can see her nipples we’re letting it slide.

Apparently Bo Bice has had bad taste in neck jewelery since high school.

Anthony Federov may have a baby face, but he’s all man beneath his shirt.

Do you think when Kelly Clarkson gets her ladybits waxed she screams out, “Steve Carrell!”

OMG, we want to fuck her so bad! Oh sorry, upon closer examination that appears to be Sanjaya.

Taylor Hicks appears to have washed up onto the shore, sort of like his career.

Before Jessica Sierra showed viewers how screwed up she was on “Celebrity Rehab,” she showed viewers how she screwed on her celebrity sextape.

3 to 1 says Daughtry shaves his balls too.

3 to 1 says Blake Lewis frosts his pubes too.

Little known fact: Jason Castro’s pubes also have dreads.

Elliott Yamin is not waving at the photographer, he’s saying goodbye to his record deal, the terms of which stipulate he must also give the record company the shirt off his back.

David Hernandez thinks you’re fat.

Try as he might,Simon Cowell just can’t get his swimming trunks high enough to cover his massive man-tits.

RELATED: A (Not So) Complete History of Naked ‘Real World’ Cast Members | A (Not So) Complete History of TV Show Tattoos

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3 comments:

  1. MDBB says:

    Another VFTW offspring.

  2. Iggy says:

    ace look so gay. chris needs to get back to the gym. whose the guy sniffing his pit? nasty.

  3. R Glaser says:

    Why do you assume Ace Young is narcissistic? I have met him & it couldn’t be farther from the truth. BTW… that pic is from some pre-Idol modeling.