TV theme songs and punk rock bands should go together like Johnny Rotten at a hair product convention. The songs are generally short, catchy and obnoxious — not unlike the bands — but we can only come up with one bona fide TV theme song performed by an actual punk rock band: “Corona” by the Minutemen, which was used as the theme from MTV’s “Jackass.” Nerf Herder, who did the theme to “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” made records for a punk label, but the band sounded more like Weezer than Minor Threat. “Freaks and Geeks” used “Bad Reputation” by Joan Jett, who once upon a time was a punk, but the song itself is decidely rock. Brandon Cruz, singer for ’80s hardcore act Dr. Know, actually starred in a sitcom, “The Courtship of Eddie’s Father,” but Harry Nilsson (very not punk) performed that show’s theme. A&E’s tattoo reality show has a punky theme song, but it’s not performed by a band anyone’s ever heard of so we’re not counting it.

Want to know what some of your favorite TV theme songs would have sounded like were they actually performed by punk rock bands? Well wonder no more…

No Use For A Name – “Laverne and Shirley”
Schlamiel, schlamazel, hasenfeffer incorporated.

BigWig – “Cheers”
Sometimes you want a song, where everybody knows the words.

Squirtgun – “Welcome Back Kotter”
Rumor has it they’re remaking this ’70s classic that starred a pre-Scientology John Travolta into a feature film starring Ice Cube in the Gabe Kotter role. Weren’t the Sweathogs supposed to be cooler than their teacher?

Zoinks! – “Greatest American Hero”
Believe it or not I’m waxing my hair. I never thought I could be hair free-ee–ee.

And here are a couple of suggestions that we think would sound awesome with a pop punk makeover:

“Perfect Strangers” theme song
“Maude” theme song
“Joanie Loves Chachi” theme song

Related posts: The Truth About Chachi | TV That’s Skin Deep | These Bands Are Bad | The White Stuff