Dear “Laguna Beach,”

At first we weren’t sure about you. You didn’t look and act like other reality shows, but we eventually warmed to your charms anyway. And as much as we hate to admit it, we’ve really grown to like you. You are a guilty pleasure of the mammoth kind. In fact, the mere writing of this letter is incredibly liberating, for it is with these words that we can finally purge ourselves of the passion we’ve been storing up. It’s been very hard to keep our love for you contained over the past few months, but with your second season wrapping up, we just had to let it out. It was all we could do to keep from running through the streets screaming.

Kristin — thank you for being exceptionally hot again this season and for not talking too much. And for being almost humbled by your dad’s purchase of a BMW SUV for you. The fact that we still kinda like you despite that unbelievably grotesque display of wealth must mean you haven’t done anything too silly this season (though we hear you’re dating Brody Jenner, which you have to admit is pretty silly).

Jason — thank you for hooking up with every girl in Laguna Beach, nearly concurrently. This makes for excellent television, and we’ve quite enjoyed watching your handsome, lady-killing ass get handed to you time and again. Who’d have thought that a boy band-looking dude could be such a playa? Because guys like you existed in high school, the world’s bloggers will eventually get laid, so thank you.

And to the rest of the cast, lest you not be forgotten, thank you too. All of you looked great in your swimwear (even you Stephen) and your sunglasses and your expensive houses. Enjoy your Orange County winter, and we’ll see in you in a few months when you start college. Oh my gosh, you’re going to college!

Sincerely,

YuppiePunk.org