Dear Valerie and Jay-

Thank you so much for deciding to take on the Herculean job of wrestling Damnocracy’s super-sized ego into something that could easily be publicly related. You guys are awesome, and it has been a pure joy watching you work your magic each week on VH1’s reality series “SuperGroup.” We particularly like how you quickly earned the band’s trust and respect, but that probably had as much to do with your past work with the Backstreet Boys as it did with your killer ideas for band names or visually-pleasing logos. Also, like most good publicists, you never trash talk the band members to their manager behind their backs. For that, we raise our metal sign in salute.

We also wanted to thank you for being as truly rock as you are. Sometimes we forget that your names are actually Valerie Michaels and Jay Marose and not Lemmy or Nikki or Razzle. When you appear on screen its like an open E chord ringing through a Marshall amp, or a falsetto scream with sustained vibrato. You are like Jimmy Page’s double-necked SG. Valerie, you’re the six string neck, and Jay, you’re the twelve.

In closing, please keep on keeping on. Please keep the good ideas flowing. Sooner or later those guys will come around. Sebastian Bach will eventually cut his hair, Scott Ian will shave that silly red beard, and Ted Nugent will sell his crossbows. They just don’t get it yet -– they’re not keyed in to this whole thing like you guys are. But they’ll come around. Hang in there. And if the going really gets tough, put on side one of “British Steel” and just relax.

Bark at the moon,
YuppiePunk.org

P.S. Send our regards to Danushka.

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