We’d like to give props to Rob Base for explaining that it takes two to make a thing go right, but we can’t. He was one off.

When it comes right down to it, entertainment duos are frequently only as strong as their bond of friendship or contractual agreement. All too often, one member of the team rockets to superstardom while the other mills about as a has-yet-to-be.

For instance, Peter Scolari.

As second fiddle to Tom Hanks on the 80’s sitcom hit “Bosom Buddies,” Scolari played the “straight” man in the cross-dressing team. His Hildie actually shared top-billing with Hanks’ Buffy just prior to Tom’s meteoric rise to the industry mountaintop, although that was about as good as it got for Pete. He was nice and handsome with a winning smile but questionable talent. In other words, the perfect guy to name an award after.

In his honor, YuppiePunk is proud to announce the 1st Annual Scolari Awards, which honor the (un)lucky halves of (in)famous duos. You know, the other guys. Keep in mind, this in no way indicates a lack of talent, just a lack of luck. OK fine, and sometimes talent.

Scolari: DJ Jazzy Jeff
Bosom Buddy: Will Smith
The Past: It’s hard enough being a DJ in a rap world dominated by big-ego MCs, but DJ Jazzy Jeff (real name: Jeffrey Townes) also had to contend with an ego so big, it married Jada Pinkett. Prior to his partner turning into Big Willie Style, Jazz was one half of the most successful (if unbelievably cheesy) rap duo this side of Run DMC.
The Present: When the Fresh Prince got too fresh for music, Jazzy shifted gears and eventually evolved into a pretty successful R&B producer, with the likes of Jil Scott to his credit.
Career High: “Parents’ Just Don’t Understand” wins a Grammy(!).
Career Low: Constantly got kicked out of Will’s house on “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.”

Scolari: Phillip Michael Thomas
Bosom Buddy: Don Johnson
The Past: Tubbs. Tubbs, Tubbs, Tubbs. As the streetwise, slimy half of the “Miami Vice” action show/fashion statement, Philip Michael Thomas was the perfect compliment to Don’s streetwiser, slimier Crockett. Other notable appearances include a lively showing on “Battle of the Network Stars XVIII” and a “Motown Merry Christmas,” where he actually worked with Redd Foxx.
The Present: Life after the sun-soaked precinct wasn’t pretty for PMT. He tried his hand at music by releasing two awful solo albums, only to see brother Johnson score a top ten hit with “Heartbeat.” His most recent accomplishment was as a voice in the PS2 smash hit Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. Wink, wink.
Career High: Hosted the Philip Michael Thomas Psychic Connection, eventually suing the parent company and netting a cool 1.5 million.
Career Low: Was replaced by Miss Cleo.

Scolari: Art Garfunkel
Bosom Buddy: Paul Simon
The Past: Officially half of the greatest folk duo of all time, Art’s soaring tenor can be heard on a slew of classic songs, most notably the gut-wrenching “Bridge Over Troubled Water.” And Jesus Christ, that fucking hair. That fucking hair.
The Present: Aside from a few modest solo hits in the 70’s, Art pretty much slept in after the breakup of Simon and Garfunkel. Coming out of retirement to play a couple huge shows with old pal Paul gave him a boost of confidence, though even rocking Central Park did little to resurrect his career.
Career “High”: Arrested for weed possession in 2004.
Career Low: It happened again in 2005.

Scolari: Joe C
Bosom Buddie: Kid Rock
The Past: Joseph Calleja might have been small, but he stood tall next to Kid Rock as the two shot to fame in the late 90’s with their potent combination of bad lyrics and white-trash street ‘tude. Joey C gave hope to tiny aggressive white rappers everywhere by being mean and tough and, ultimately, really successful.
The Present: Sadly, Joe succumbed to the rigors of celiac disease in 2000.
Career High: Was characterized on “The Simpsons.”
Career Low: 3′9″

Scolari: Kyle Gass
Bosom Buddie: Jack Black
The Past: We wouldn’t dare share a stage with the likes of Jack Black, but then again, we’re not Kyle Gass. With his smooth harmonies and capable strumming, JB’s right hand man helped pave the way for the ovary assault that was and is Tenacious D. But while the lovable Kyle gives fat, bald guys a reason to still play guitar, his contributions have been vastly overshadowed by the runaway talent train of his charismatic partner.
The Present: Kyle has the kind of sporadic acting career most second bananas would envy, with a whopping 30 films to his credit. Recent turns include “Elf” and “Shallow Hal.” Wonder how he got that one.
Career High: Karate fight in the Tenacious D episode “Angel in Disguise.”
Career Low: Jack Black earns about 4 million per film.

Scolari: Andrew Ridgeley
Bosom Buddy: George Michael
The Past: We’re not entirely sure Andrew Ridgeley actually sang a note; such was the power of George Michael. We do know, however, that he spent a lot of time doing things on stage with George as the silent, not-quite-as-sexy half of the sugary pop duo Wham! While George handled the interesting parts of the vocals, such as the singing parts, Andrew did a lot of dancing and smirking. Rumor has it he wrote a song, but we don’t believe it for a minute.
The Present: After Wham! split in 1986, Andrew tried his hand at a solo album. After that split, he became a full-time environmentalist, eventually founding a UK charity called Surfers Against Sewage.
High Point: We think he said a couple words in that awesome rap from “Young Guns (Go For It!)”
Low Point: Everything since.

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