As if littering the world with shitty movies wasn’t enough bad art for one man in one lifetime, Steven Seagal has decided to make blues records. Are you ready for the “Mojo Priest?” YuppiePunk World HQ sure as fuck ain’t.

Watching this promo video did raise a few thoughts though:

1) Why the fuck does he talk like he’s from New Orleans? Dude was born in Michigan before relocating to Southern California.

2) Greasy ponytails are exceptionally hip stupid.

3) Nothing says “I play music rooted in hardship” like a millionaire movie star tan.

4) Nothing says “I’m a serious musician and I want to be taken seriously goddamnit!” like holding your guitar while answering interview questions seated on a linen couch.

5) Sorry, juke joint?

6) “I don’t think anyone has ever had trouble with me playing and singing.” Wikipedia should add that to their list of classic Steven Seagal quotes. Or maybe people are just scared that if they told him what they really thought he’d kick them in the balls to see if they were wearing a cup.

If for some god forsaken reason you are indeed ready for the Mojo Priest, sample some of Seagal’s sweet (ass) sounds:
“Talk To My Ass” | “Aligator Ass”

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