If GG Allin Were On ‘American Idol’

Ryan Seacrest: Ladies and gentlemen, that was GG Allin doing his rendition of R.E.M.’s “Everybody Hurts.” Let’s see what the judges had to say about his performance.
Randy: Yo dawg, you can really blow. I was like, “Yeah, a’ight.” You did your thing, dawg. You were a little pitchy in the verses, but once you got that mic stand into your ass, I gotta admit, I stopped paying attention to your singing. That was amazing dude. Rock on.
GG: Fuck you faggot. Suck my puss-infected cock.
Paula: I like you GG, I really do. Your shaved head is absolutely adorable. You’re like the shining light inside my heart. Stick to what you do best. You’re an amazing performer and this is all part of your journey. Good job.
GG: Is putting my cock up your ass part of my journey too, bitch?
Simon: I get the feeling you’re a little bit angry. Are you angry GG? May I be honest with you? I think this was the best performance of the show so far. You remind me of a young Clay Aiken.
GG: All you pretentious TV fucks can kiss my ass . Ryan, you better watch out, I’m gonna cut you! That tiny faggot tried to touch me backstage. GG, out.
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02.27.06 at 6:06 am
Too bad Kelly Clarkson won’t cut her forehead open and then throw her shit at the audience. If she did, she might not suck quite so much.