Here at YuppiePunk World HQ, we’re definitely not dreaming of a white Christmas, but we did have a bizarre dream last night in which Santa and his elves showed up at CBGBs (they had to take their sleigh since the subway wasn’t running) to see a rock show. St. Nick and his crew were all burnt out from making toys and they were hoping to unwind a bit. The bill at CBGBs: Nothing but bands with “white” in their name. While the bands played, Santa threw back a couple of white Russians (duh!) while the elves shared a bottle of white wine. Here’s the lowdown:

Band: Average White Band
The Deal: Five white dudes (and a black guy) play some serious funk and score a massive hit with their self-titled sophomore record.
Fun fact: Drummer Steve Ferrone later joined Duran Duran.
White-o-meter: Phil Donahue

Band: Great White
The Deal: Led Zep-inspired hard rock band lands a couple of hits in the mid-’80s and resides in semi-obscurity until a pyrotechnics mishap at one of their shows kills 96 people at a Rhode Island nightclub including their guitar player.
Fun fact: The bio on their official site makes no mention of the Rhode Island nightclub fire.
White-o-meter: Tony Danza

Band: White Lion
The Deal: A Dane and a trio of New Yorkers storm the hair metal charts with a handful of melodic hard rock hits including the ballad “When the Children Cry.”
Fun fact: The titles of all the band’s albums are a play on words about lions (”Fight to Survive,” “Pride,” “Big Game,” “Mane Attraction”).
White-o-meter: Rosie O’Donnell

Band: Whitesnake
The Deal: Known equally for their videos (which featured Tawny Kitaen humping a sports car) and their dead-on Zeppelin impression, the band become an international sensation selling over 6 million copies of their self-titled 1987 release.
Fun fact: Singer David Coverdale collaborated with Jimmy Page on the creatively titled Coverdale-Page project.
White-o-meter: Ellen Degeneres

Band: The White Stripes
The Deal: A minimalist Detroit rock duo who, with a strict wardrobe of only red, white and black, created a unique blend of punk rock, blues, folk and pop.
Fun fact: Despite having produced the debut album from fellow Detroit band The Von Bondies, White Stripes mastermind Jack White punched out Von Bondies lead singer Jason Stollsteimer.
White-o-meter: Montell Williams

Band: White Zombie
The Deal: Mid ’90s metal band led by Rob Zombie that combined groovy guitar riffs with horror movies for a dark aesthetic that matched their gloomy sound.
Fun fact: The band was named after the 1932 Bela Lugosi flick of the same name.
White-o-meter: Jerry Springer

Related post: These Bands Are Bad