Last night we took the staff at YuppiePunk World HQ to a screening of the new Johnny Cash biopic “Walk the Line.” And here’s what we can tell you:

1) The dude sitting next to us had terrible B.O. In addition, he seemed to have no internal dialogue, only external. He laughed throughout the film as if he were being tickled by an octopus, but more annoyingly, he tsk’ed at the screen every time the Man in Black popped a pill or did something destructive.

2) Johnny Cash does not have a harelip.

3) The film is ok, but Johnny Cash was a dark motherfucker. It would have been markedly improved were its tone equal to that of Johnny’s songs. We wanted to see where those tough tales of life on the edge came from. We wanted to peer into his soul. The film should have been littered with grit and smoke and whiskey and women. Instead we get a slightly schmaltzy Hollywood version of what Johnny Cash’s life was like. The film does deal with his drug addiction and his failed marriage, but it still comes up short in painting an honest picture of an honest to goodness American original.

4) If you want to see a truly great performance and a far superior biopic, check out Philip Seymour Hoffman in “Capote.”