We’ve been watching VH1’s new series “Hogan Knows Best,” and we’ve come to the following conclusion: The Hogans are the new Osbournes. Here’s proof:

Both dads are seriously scary.
– Ozzy may just be the scariest dad ever.
– Have you seen the size of Hulk Hogan’s pecs? And wait, have you seen his moustache?

Neither dad uses their real first name.
– No guy named John will ever be referred to as the Prince of Darkness.
– The phrase Terry-mania just doesn’t have the same ring to it as say, Hulk-a-mania.

Both daughters want singing careers.
– We’re not sure Kelly Osbourne “sings” exactly, but she’s made a couple of records.
– Brooke Hogan desperately wants to be Britney Spears.

Both sons get super laid.
– Jack Osbourne bangs supermodels.
– The second episode of “Meet the Hogans” centers around Nick’s love life when mom finds a rubber in his wallet.

Both dads hobble around the house.
– Ozzy has lifted too many pints.
– Hulk has lifted too many weights.

Both Dads have starred in awful films.
– Strangely, the Oscars neglected Ozzy’s 1986 portrayal of a Reverend Aaron Gilstrom in “Trick or Treat.”
– Hulk was decent in “Rocky 3,” but “No Holds Barred” makes “Ishtar” look like “Lawrence of Arabia.”

Look for Brooke Hogan on next year’s Ozzfest. And look for Ozzy as one half of a tag team at WrestleMania 58.