Pack your bags and your beard trimmer cuz we’re headed to Germany. Why, you ask? Because on October 1st, the 2005 World Beard and Moustache Championships invade Berlin. Hell, if you’ve actually got facial hair, you shouldn’t just attend, you should participate! Don’t worry, there’s no drug testing.

Too bad the event is so far away this year. They should really get this thing on TV. It would totally get mondo ratings. Put it on cable and watch it go — this thing is a license to print money. Lots of folks watch the dog show, why not the moustache show? And like the dog show, this event has killer categories: Dali moustache, Wild West moustache, Fu Manchu, sideburns, freestyle goatee, etc.

We once had an idea to open this cereal bar –- you know, every variety of cereal that you could mix and match, plus fresh fruit, yogurt, milk, whatever -– but some assholes beat us to it and opened Cereality. Bet they’re fat and rich by now. But we won’t blow it again. Televising the World Beard and Moustache Championship is our ticket to the big time. So you better fucking tune in when you see it listed. Look for it soon on MTV, you know, for Moustache.