Here at YuppiePunk World HQ, we’re having a slight crisis. Our three bookshelves are now completely overflowing with books. Just where exactly are we expected to file the latest issue of Chunklet, “HTML 4 for Dummies,” and the new Dylan hardcover that currently clutter the coffee table? And just how many stupid books on rock music can one crummy website (and its fiance) own anyway? Like Milo from the Descendents says: “Don’t got no biceps / Don’t got no pecks / But I’ll read you under the table / With my thick specs / Somebody get me a book!” Here is the first sentence from a bunch of the non-fiction rock books we found nearest the computer (reprinted without permission of course):

“Chronicles, Vol. 1” – Bob Dylan
Opening sentence: Lou Levy, top man of Leeds Music Publishing company, took me up in a taxi to the Pythian Temple on West 70th Street to show me the pocket sized recording studio where Bill Haley and the Comets had recorded “Rock Around the Clock” — then down to Jack Dempsey’s restaurant on 58th and Broadway, where we sat down in a red leather upholstered booth facing the front window.

“The Dirt” – Motley Crue with Neil Strauss
Opening sentence: Her name was Bullwinkle.

“Fargo Rock City” – Chuck Klosterman
Opening sentence: You know, I’ve never had long hair.

“The Real Frank Zappa Book” – Frank Zappa with Peter Occhiogrosso
Opening sentence: This book exists on the premise that somebody, somewhere, is interested in who I am, how I got that way, and what the fuck I’m talking about.

“Songbook” – Nick Hornby
Opening sentence: So we were doing this thing, this launch party for Speaking with the Angel, a book of short stories I put together to raise money for my son’s school, and we–the school, the publishers of this book, me and my partner–were nervous about it.

“Heavier than Heaven” – Charles Cross
Opening sentence: The first time he saw heaven came exactly six hours and fifty-seven minutes after the very moment an entire generation fell in love with him.

“Our Band Could Be Your Life” – Michael Azzerad
Opening sentence: It’s not surprising that the indie movement largely started in Southern California — after all, it had the infrastructure: Slash and Flipside fanzines started in 1977, and indie labels like Frontier and Posh Boy and Dangerhouse started soon afterward.

“Nothing Feels Good” – Andy Greenwald
Opening sentence: The one fact that no one seems to debate — or at least debate loudly — is that emo emerged from hardcore.

“So You Want to Be a Rock and Roll Star” – Jacob Schlicter
Opening sentence: It’s never snowed in Minnesota during the month of July.

“Get in the Van” – Henry Rollins
Opening sentence: I was living in an apartment in Arlington, Virginia, which is right over the D.C. line.

“All You Need to Know About the Music Business” – Donald S. Passman
Opening sentence: For over ten years I’ve taught a class on the music business at the University of Southern California Law School’s Advanced Professional Program.

“Lords of Chaos” – Michael Moynihan and Didrik Soderland
Opening sentence: The devil has always treasured music.

“Crazy from the Heat” – David Lee Roth
Opening sentence: I’m always hurting.